Moon and Faith

Moon and Faith

Great the cloud masks the faith

To hear the moon call her wraith

Crashing down within the sound

Of a dying man once with crown

Who dare to come, harks the moon

With glare and gleam and lustful swoon

The mercy begotten of her light
Murky the eyes of man’s poor sight

Yet faith harkens whoa!

To where do you go?

Crawling, creeping, sleeping on dirt and grime

Without mask or task or plight or rhyme?

And the two voices they speak

Of the slinking undying weak

And the man grips his head

With the force of it’s dread

My mind will collapse!

Lightning screams with a pass

The man flees from the two

One whispers lies like a slough

And the moon and the faith

They wrought their last taste

Yet the man he is gone

For lost peace he will long

~J.J. Bianco

My Hart

My Hart

            The darkness hides amongst the reeds, waiting to escape and take over the fertile land with waters running through, feeding the parched mouth that opens to receive its drink. The darkness murmurs silent behind the line of trees to enter the dim woods, waiting for its chance to strike quick and deadly. The wind feeds the woods with life as rays of sun, beam down and lay gently on the fern. The winds blow the seed to and fro and permit the garden to teem with joy at the spreading of the kingdom. The darkness creeps and crawls, slithers and sleeks, waiting, ever waiting, and ever watching.   

            Johnny the buck is a young hart of only two and a half years and would by any hunter be labeled as having too few tines to shoot, sporting only the hat of a spike. Johnny gallops through the woods, running up and over steep hills, gazing outwards over creation, standing strongly on the peak of Pride Hill. Johnny the hart runs alone, enjoying the stillness and peacefulness of the woods, breathing in the morning air with the feeling of dew melting off the clover, nibbling in the field a morning snack before embarking on his mission to meet the call he hears from Lonely Valley. With a leap and a stomp, his hooves leave tracks as he follows a path down Pride Hill then all of the sudden he stops. His ears rise with his white puffy tail and then he sees it, the darkness.

            “What could this be in the light of morn?” wonders Johnny as he stands pin-drop still, waiting again for the darkness to move. It doesn’t, rather it lays slothfully in a patch of the valley, just as still as Johnny stands. Johnny hears only his heart beating in his woolen chest and the sound of his breath rising in vapor from his black nostrils. His winter coat has grown warm and his antlers are covered with velvet, awaiting the release that comes in spring to be scratched off on a scaly oak. Johnny waits, still as can be, for hours on end until the sun rises high in the sky, yet the darkness does not move, the game of patience persists.

            “Does it see me?” wonders Johnny (as any proper hart asks when spotting danger). “Perhaps if I stand her long enough and remain still it will not be able to find me out!” Then, all of the sudden, as if the earth under him began to move, he found himself covered in the darkness. Johnny panicked and tried to run, but anywhere he went the darkness remained around him. Johnny moaned his throaty bellow for help, but heard no answer. He was trapped, completely surrounded in murky pitch-black air. Johnny had nowhere to run and heard no call of help, so he decided to lay down amongst the old fallen leaves and be still. There he lay all alone, unable to escape the surrounding darkness that mysteriously appeared in the midst day. All alone Johnny began to cry... with big deer tears running down over his snout and onto the cold leaves below. “I’m all by myself,” said Johnny, “And no one has responded to my call. Perhaps they left me long ago. It’s been a while since I called to them.” Bucks always run alone.

To be continued...  

What is your Calling?

The Christian Call

            The day I arrived on Covenant’s campus I was worn thin from driving six hundred miles from Pittsburgh, PA where I had resided since childhood. I rose up out of the car and felt the St. Louis, MO heat bearing down on me and said to myself, “Well this is really happening, I’ve really left everything I knew and love to come to this place.” The decision to go to a school five states away, an eleven-hour drive, was a decision I wrestled with for over twelve years, since I became a Christian and the thought of being a pastor entered my mind. After graduating from the University of Pittsburgh and entering the workforce, the transparency of life decisions came quickly and I was forced to ask, “What am I called to do with my life?” The question of calling is more than a job, more than our extracurricular activities, more than family, and more than our desires. The question of calling, especially for the Christian, is not a question quickly answered, but one that takes time, prayer, counsel, and most of all an understanding of the Caller, the one whom man images. In this brief paper, I will use my life’s journey, along with reflections from OS Guinness, Sinclair Ferguson, Jerry Bridges, and others to reflect on what it means for the Christian to contemplate his calling in life. Why are we here? What are we put here to do?

            In my story, the question of calling has been difficult to discern. As a child I watched friends become particularly skilled at certain things, such as math, science, music, etc. and I was a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. I liked doing many things, but loved doing nothing, at least until I became a Christian. After believing in Jesus as my Savior, I felt a strong pull and curiosity to the pastorate. I greatly admired my pastor and my youth pastor and furthermore, I seemed to have a great interest in theology even at a young age. I had no idea how to become a pastor, but as a child, that is what I thought I might become. Then life happened, and the youth pastor of my church molested one of the girls in the youth group and my Christian life shattered along with my heroes. I did not want to be a pastor anymore.

            I continued my search for a life passion, forgetting about the pastorate, and decided on a German major in college, because at least I was somewhat interested in German. I served with a church through the latter half of college and after graduating from the university the nagging question of the pastorate grew stronger. What am I called to do? The thought of teaching German grammar the rest of my life repulsed me as I finished my senior year of college, so I took a day job as a mental-health professional and later a hardwood flooring installer to pay the bills. Meanwhile, the desire to the pastorate never quit nagging, always in the back of mind it lay dormant, until a friend said it aloud.

            In sum, I had received vast encouragement from my friends, church, and church leaders to pursue seminary. My whole life people encouraged me on this path, even my seventh grade teacher Mrs. Hessler would say, “I can’t wait to come to your church.” (She sponsored our Bible study). Not only were people encouraging, but when I applied to seminary I was accepted and then some short months later I found myself completely funded, without debt. I had prayed about this my whole life, so when I was finally ready to leave, I decided to wait another year. The reason for waiting was because the year prior I had been really sick with Ulcerative Colitis, and my pastor allowed me to serve in our church doing pastoral things, like leading worship, preaching a homily, leading a small group, and other roles while I worked a full-time job. I was terrified to go to seminary, terrified I would make the wrong decision, and terrified I wasn’t good enough. That year I realized something: I wasn’t good enough, in fact, I would never be good enough to be a pastor or go to seminary. I realized that I should go because Christ’s work on the cross makes me good enough. This is the great lesson of calling, that by God’s grace and the finished work of Christ, we are able to do any good. When I am weak, then I am strong, for his power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:10). So off I left for seminary, still uncertain of my Christian call.

                                    

            I was thrilled to take “Spiritual and Ministry Formation” because I had heard Dr. Douglass was an expert on the subject of Christian calling. Through authors like OS Guinness, I learned that our Christian calling means more than a job. My desire to seminary and to the pastorate is one part of my call as a Christian.  Guinness writes, “A sense of calling should precede a choice of job and career, and the main way to discover calling is along the line of what we are each created and gifted to be. Instead of, ‘You are what you do,’ calling says: ‘Do what you are’” (Guinness, 45). Guinness points out that we have to define ourselves first by who we really are and not by our job. So who are we? The Bible says that we are created in the image of God, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). So the Christian must begin to understand their calling by recognizing that who they are, much more than what they do, are tiny reflectors of God’s glory. So our primary identity is as an image reflector, but who is this God we are imaging?

            God is depicted in many ways, but the best and most concise description of God can be found in His son. Jesus is who the Christian is called to imitate (Eph. 5:1-2) Jesus is the Son of God, but because Jesus has died for the sins of man, those who believe in Jesus Christ are also called sons of God. This is our identity. In “Children of the Living God” by Sinclair Ferguson, he writes, “The Son of God, who went into the far country for our sake, has returned from death and has been welcomed by the Father! By God’s grace, we share that welcome” (Ferguson, 31). Our identity as image bearers is also rooted in our adoption as sons of God, made possible through the work of Jesus. Let this be our first and foremost identity.

            Man first has a responsibility to his identity in Christ, which means that for the Christian there is a corporate or primary call, which every person on earth is made for, namely the glorification of God. The Westminster Confession of faith says that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.[1] This means that our number one call is to be in relationship with the Caller. This looks like Genesis 2:28 where God commissions man to rule the earth, spreading the boundaries of Eden over the world, and to be a blessing to His creation. This is repeated in Genesis 12:1, where God commissions Abraham to be blessed so that he would be a blessing to the nations. So to understand our corporate call (primary call) the Christian must understand the creator, He who man images, and live according to that which the Creator has called his creation. To understand the Creator the Christian must personally know Christ, because Christ is God. John 10:30, “The Father and I are one.”

            There is also common grace, which is grace given to all men regardless of their faith or belief. Therefore man can partly know his calling, because of the common grace afforded by God, but man can never full understanding his calling without knowing Christ. This is an important distinction, because our secondary calling can often wage war with our primary calling, trying to usurp God’s place as the authority in the Christian’s life. So what then is this secondary calling? Our secondary callings are those things we do as we go about our lives. Our secondary calling can change, for example, I am not a father right now, but one day I may be a father and consequently my calling will change when I become a father. I will be called to be a Dad; fatherhood is a high calling. Our vocation is also part of this secondary calling because our vocation may change over the course of our life. Primary calling never changes because God will always be our God, and we will always be his children.  So how are we supposed to discern our secondary calling?

            First one must consider where life has currently placed the Christian. Another way of saying secondary calling is to call it our individual calling. The individual calling consists of those things, which are pertinent to the individual. If the Christian is a father then he is called to be a father, if a brother, a brother, and if a son, then a son. Perhaps the Christian is a student, so his role then in life is to be a student. One must consider the circumstances God places us in to help us to realize part of our secondary calling. Having a Christian context is helpful in identifying our secondary calling because the Bible has a lot of say on what it means to be in a family, to be a friend, and to be a worker. So how are we supposed to determine our occupation?

            Dr. Douglass teaches a very important rule called the 60/40 rule. This rule says that whatever your occupation is, 60% of what you do must align with your personal interests and gifting. If you are doing more than 40% of things you are not interested in, then you will not be well suited for your job. This was certainly true of my jobs after college, when I was a mental health professional and a hardwood flooring installer. I liked those jobs, but most of my responsibilities where things I was either disinterested in or disliked. This means that even if you are in the field of your choice, it is possible to have a position in which your passions are not being fulfilled because of extraneous obligation to other tasks. The 60/40 rule alludes at another vital principle: every person has unique God given interests and desires.

            Part of my struggle growing up was that I wasn’t particularly passionate about any one thing. This changed when I became a Christian, because my passion became the study of religion, specifically Christianity. I can see now that I did a disservice to myself by not pursuing my passions in college. I did a religious studies minor, and enjoyed it, but perhaps the 60/40 was not being met for me in my German major. It is important to learn to recognize the God given passion and desires with which each person is specifically gifted. God even grants us particular spiritual gifts, as we all have obligation as parts of the body, each fulfilling his or her particular role and purpose with his or her particular gifting. This is yet another reason why it is vital to understand our calling in light of a faith in Christ. Without faith in Christ there will always be a frustration concerning our calling. Guinness speaks to this when he writes, “The notion of calling, or vocation, is vital to each of us because it touches on the modern search for a basis for individual identity and an understanding of humanness itself” (Guinness, 20). We were created for a purpose.

            In chapter nine of “Transforming Grace” by Jerry Bridges, he entitles the chapter “Called to be Free” and speaks to the liberty we have in Jesus Christ to be free. Tim Keller made an interesting point in his sermon on freedom when he said that true freedom might feel like constraint. He pointed out that everything we do in life is in some way constraining, such as having a family, but there is freedom in having a family that cannot come outside of this constraint. This is true for things like love, which require great restraint, but also brings great freedom. Bridges takes this one step further and says the Christian is called to be free because Jesus has paid for his freedom, by dying on the cross. This freedom means that our identity, being in Christ, now concerns us not with what man thinks, but with what God thinks. Bridges writes, “If you are going to experience the joy of your freedom in Christ, you have to decide whether you will please God or people.” One good question to determine calling is to ask, “For whom am I living, for myself, or for God?” or another way to say it is, “What does Jesus want me to do?”

            The question of discerning calling may come down to wisdom. There are clear guidelines the Bible gives, like if we are questioning a calling to be a murderer, but the Bible doesn’t say a lot about whether Joseph should be an engineer or a painter. Wisdom plays a large factor in deciding secondary calling. Proverbs 15:22 says that “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.” When I decided to go to seminary I asked a lot of people their thoughts and opinions and listened for encouragement or discouragement regarding wise choices. The eyes of many are better than the eyes of one. Prayer is also vital in gaining discernment on life decisions. In fact to pray over a large life decision for years may be necessary in making a wise decision toward secondary calling. For me this meant praying for twelve years about a secondary calling and continuing to pray now. This also means being able to listen to God when he changes a secondary calling. Jesus made the disciples from fishermen into fisher’s of men (Matthew 4:19). It is also helpful to gain experience in the particular area of interest, for example I spent an extra year volunteering my time to do ministry in our church because I wanted to see if my passions aligned with the practicality of the pastorate. It is prudent to try things we think we will enjoy, even if we have no particular experience in the area. Lastly, one must be willing to rest in God’s sovereignty. The point of life is not happiness, it is to bring glory to God, which the apostle Paul did even in the dungeons as he sang hymns to God. Paul Bunyan spent 12 years in prison, but he used that time to write one of the greatest literary works of his age, “Pilgrims Progress”. Calling does not equate to happiness, but rather a contentedness in God.

            In all these ways man can begin to make sense of the feeling that we are here on this earth for a purpose. To summarize there are two types of calling, a primary (corporate) call and a secondary (individual) call. It is important to reiterate that to truly understand our primary calling, we must know Jesus Christ as our Savior and King. This is because we are image bearers of the Caller. Next our secondary calling can depend on life circumstances, personal passions, and wisdom. Calling therefore is not just what we do, it’s also who we are and what we were created to accomplish. Calling can take many different forms over one’s life and calling is something that should be given considerable, comprehension, prayer, and counsel. Praise be to God that we have been intentionally placed in His creation to fulfill his purposes by glorifying Him and enjoying him forever.

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[1] The Westminster Standards. Suwannee, GA: Great Commission, 2011 page 35